Means by no Means

Most mornings I listen to the radio and marvel at the bad, bad American economy. Dollar’s down. Cup of Starbucks is in the five dollar range. Gallon of cow’s milk costs almost as much as a gallon of gas, and soy milk, well, let’s just say that every time a farmer tugs at the soybean’s teat, a vegan ends up paying out the wazoo.

The even bigger news, of course, is the way that houses are foreclosing. It’s becoming epidemic, and after listening to NPR, it’s easy to imagine vast swaths of homeless people wearing their best Abercrombie and Fitch outfits, and leaning on their SUVs as they watch a crackle of fire shoot out of the oil barrel they’re all gathered around:

“I used to have five bedrooms, three baths and a GE fridge that was connected to the internet so I never had to miss my Perez Hilton,” the most popular of those displaced people are surely saying as I type this.

And, no doubt, their friends will respond with distant gleams in their eyes. “Yeah,” they’ll say, “I had two bay windows! Hell, there was a skylight in the master bathroom!” Then in solidarity they’ll all earnestly compare the aftermath of hurricane Katrina to the aftermath of forfeiting on a $500,000 loan.

That got me to thinking. What kind of house could half-a-mil purchase three or four years ago? I began to Google.

As normally happens when I Google, I got distracted from the task at hand. First, I read some expat blogs. Then I read about Obama’s visit to Berlin and wondered why no one took a few lighthearted jabs about how he horribly mangled every German name he mentioned. After that, I wondered why no one reported that there might have actually been 500,000 people at the rally if only half of them didn’t leave midway through warm-up band Reamonn’s set.

“Why? Oh, god of mercy, why?,” the dejected Obamaniacs could be heard to say. “That was really, really deplorable. I mean, that guy actually sang the line “Yeah you’re losing control…it’s just a chemical flow” with his eyes closed.”

Finally, I wondered if Obama would be able to cure the ailing economy. While I pondered that question, I realized that I’ll vote for him no matter what he does or promises.

Then my tangents came full circle. I remembered my original task.

Within a few clicks, I stumbled onto this real gem of a blog called “It’s Lovely! I’ll Take It!” If you’re an American expat, and you’re ever missing the shores of liberty or the pursuit of happiness, visit Sara’s collection of “poorly chosen photos of real estate listings.” I admit, it didn’t answer any of my questions about the floundering real estate market, but by the time I read through the site I had completely forgotten what my questions were. And, besides, what do I care about the American housing market? I live in Berlin, for chrissakes.